What is Rapport

Rapport is a connection characterized by mutual understanding or empathy that enables people to communicate smoothly. It refers to a relationship of mutual trust that transcends superficial communication and penetrates the subconscious mind. This state of mutual understanding and trust can foster positive feelings of allyship, comfort, and affinity, resulting in a productive, reciprocal communication dynamic. Characteristics of this relationship include the perception of being understood, heard, and seen by the other party.

Rapport building is an essential part of effective communication in any context. It's a vital component in building meaningful and effective relationships, whether in a professional environment or personal life. A strong rapport can lead to more open communication, cooperation, and empathy, fostering a constructive and effective dialogue that benefits both parties involved.

Building Rapport

Building rapport, an essential aspect of effective communication, largely relies on a skill and concept known as 'pacing.'

Pacing: The Cornerstone of Communication

Pacing is a potent communication tool that can help you establish rapport. It's the art of subtly mirroring another person's verbal and non-verbal behaviors to foster a sense of familiarity and similarity.

Imagine you're in conversation with someone, and you consciously make an effort to align your actions with theirs. You mirror their gestures, reflect the rhythm of their speech, and even use their favored phrases. When this is done subtly and naturally, the other person would subconsciously perceive you as similar to them, promoting an inherent sense of familiarity and comfort.

This can be understood within the context of the Law of Similarity - a psychological principle suggesting that individuals tend to be more receptive to those who they perceive as similar to themselves. Moreover, this inclination is not just psychological; it's primal. From an evolutionary standpoint, our ancestors were more likely to perceive similarity as safety and difference as a potential threat.

A Three-Step Communication Framework

Building rapport is not an isolated event; it is part of a larger framework of communication, which can be broken down into three stages:

1. Pacing
   This stage is all about understanding and reflecting the other person's verbal and non-verbal communication to align yourself with their rhythm and create a shared space.

2. Rapport
   Once pacing has helped bridge the gap between you and the other person, rapport naturally forms. This is the sweet spot of mutual trust, comfort, and understanding, where both parties are more receptive to each other's thoughts and ideas.

3. Leading
   Once a solid rapport is established, you can gently guide the conversation towards your desired outcome, whether it's problem-solving, negotiation, or simply fostering a deeper connection.

By understanding these stages and recognizing where you stand within this framework, you'll have a clearer idea of how to approach your interactions and adapt your communication strategy accordingly. This process not only allows you to establish rapport effectively, but it also paves the way for more meaningful and productive conversations.

Techniques of Pacing

The concept of pacing forms an integral part of successful communication, particularly when it comes to building rapport. To delve deeper into the art of pacing, let's focus on three core techniques: mirroring, matching, and backtracking.

Mirroring: Reflecting Visual Information

Mirroring is an effective non-verbal method that helps create an immediate sense of connection with the other person. This technique involves subtly reflecting the other person's posture, gestures, and even breathing patterns. The goal is to make them subconsciously perceive you as similar, which in turn generates feelings of trust and affinity.

Consider these various aspects when mirroring:

• Facial expressions and head position
  Whether the other person's head is tilted or straight, matching this position can aid in establishing a mirror image. Pay attention to their facial expressions, from the corners of their mouth to the openness of their eyes. Some professionals even go as far as mirroring their interlocutor's blinking patterns.

• Upper body
  Mimic the other person's overall posture - whether they're sitting straight or leaning, with arms crossed or hands together.

• Lower body
  Observe if their legs are crossed or uncrossed, and follow suit.

• Breathing
  Tune into their breathing pattern – whether they are breathing from their chest or their stomach, whether their breaths are shallow or deep.

It's important to note that mirroring should not be immediate and obvious; it's not about mimicking the other person blatantly. Timing is key – mirror their actions with a subtle delay to avoid coming across as insincere.

Matching: Aligning with Auditory Information

Matching is another valuable pacing technique, primarily focusing on the auditory aspect of communication. This entails adapting your vocal qualities to align with those of the other person. Things to consider when matching include:

• Tone
  Is their voice high or low? Match your tone accordingly.

• Pace
  Are they speaking quickly or slowly? Adjust your speaking speed to theirs.

• Volume
  Are they speaking loudly or softly? Modulate your voice to match theirs.

• Rhythm
  Align your speech rhythm with theirs.

Beyond these basic auditory qualities, matching can also involve adapting to the general mood, energy, or atmosphere the person is conveying.

Backtracking: Repeating Verbal Information

Backtracking, often referred to as "parroting" in the world of counseling, is a listening technique that involves repeating the other person's words back to them. It's a simple but powerful way to show your interlocutor that you're actively listening, fostering a sense of being understood and valued.

Consider the following example:

Them: I recently went to Bali for the first time in ages.

You: Wow, you went to Bali recently.

The critical point here is to use the other person's exact words. Doing this reassures them that they are being heard, fostering trust and comfort in the conversation.